Whatever I Am, You Made Me That Way

Willa’s POV

My maker is an asshole!

He abducted me from my human father’s home so he could murder me to send a message to Governor Burrell that vampires will fight back. I didn’t want to die; what girl in her twenties does? So I bargained with the handsome vampire that stole me. Turn me, make me a vampire so I could show my human father that we weren’t evil. I was a naive fool. I thought the vampire that had me was handsome and charismatic; I was attracted to him and thought he was attracted to me. If he turned me, it meant he really cared about me. I wanted someone to care about me after having been abandoned by both my mother and father. My mother had abandoned me to be with her vampire lover somewhere out in California, and my father … well, the good Governor of Louisiana had abandoned me to his own political ambitions. He only ever paid attention to me when he needed my presence at an event to promote the image of him as the perfect family man. If only the people of Louisiana knew the truth about my father. Granted, his evil intentions have since been revealed to the world but they don’t know the emotionally abusive and sexually perverted man he truly was.

In my naivety, I failed to realize that I was no more than a pawn in an elaborate chess match between Governor Truman Burrell and Eric Northman. My first night as a vampire, I rose beside the godlike body of my maker and I felt such an uncontrollable hunger both for blood and sex. I wanted to fuck him in the shallow grave he had built for us, uncaring of the dirt surrounding us. All I knew was that I wanted to feel his body on top of mine as he drove me from one orgasm to the next. After teaching me to feed from a paid donor, he sent me back to the Governor using a maker’s command so I had no choice but to comply. That selfish bastard told me to go home to daddy, dismissing me as if I was a piece of lint to be brushed off his clothing. I wanted to argue, but the command took hold of my body and forced me towards the Governor’s mansion.

I tried so hard to stay calm with my father when I entered his home; tried to reason with him that I was still Willa, still his little girl. My father seemed torn; he wanted to believe I was still the same, that I hadn’t become a monster. He seemed to be giving in to my pleas that he stop his war against vampires despite the words of that bitch Sarah Newlin. For a brief second, I thought everything was going to be alright, that my status as a newly risen member of the undead wouldn’t matter to him.

It seems my naivety knew no bounds.

The scent of my father’s fresh blood hit the air and I lost all control, becoming the monster Sarah Newlin claimed me to be. Before I realized what was happening, I was chained in silver and thrown in the back of an armored silver vehicle to be transported to my father’s camp. As much as I hated being thrown in the camp, I did not blame my father for it; the blame lies solely with my maker for throwing me to the wolves. I was actually treated well while in the camp, thanks to my father. He made sure I had fresh blood when I requested it and I was kept sequestered from the other vampires. All in all, I had it pretty good… That is until another asshole decided to fuck with my life. When Bill Compton killed my father, it seemed the soldiers in his camp thought it was open season to fuck with me. They thought because I am a small, waif-like girl that I would be an easy target. Thanks to my fangs and speed, I proved that I am not the weaker sex. I couldn’t find it in me to give a fuck that I took a human life; it was me or him and I preferred it be me.

While I was feeding on the guard, the strangest sensation overcame my body. It felt as if a lasso had been slipped around my waist and was pulling me to my maker. What the hell? He’d abandoned me. Why was I compelled to go to him? He’s the last fucking vampire I ever wanted to see! The tugging sensation kept increasing in intensity until I had no choice but to give in.

I found my maker in a cage with another vampire strapped to a table and she looked like she had the flu which is absolutely impossible. I was elated to see my maker; he’d come for me after all, he hadn’t abandoned me.

When would I learn to stop being a fool?

My maker left me in that death camp, telling me to find Pam and Tara, warn them not to drink the True Blood that it was infected with the same virus that was ravaging the woman strapped to the table. Again I tried to argue with him; I wanted to go with him.  Apparently what I wanted ceased to matter the moment I became a vampire. I thought vampires were supposed to be powerful creatures that could do what they wanted when they wanted and not a damn thing could stop them. If I had to spend eternity under someone else’s control, I was going to find the nearest stake or walk out in the sun. I was tired of other people controlling me!

Somehow I survived the vampire equivalent of a concentration camp. My maker and another vampire saved all of us and I got to be in the sun again. It was a heady feeling and all I wanted to do was feed and fuck in celebration and I wanted to do it with my maker. No matter how mad at him I was, no matter how hurt I was by his abandonment of me, I still yearned for him with a desperation I had never known as a human. No craving could ever compare with a newborn vampires need to be one with their maker.  It’s instinctive just as is the need for blood. I hated it-this feeling- even as I was elated to be in the presence of my maker again. Surely now we could be together that the threat from my human father had been eliminated.

But I was wrong. Not only did my maker abandon me, but he abandoned my vampire sister Pamela as soon as we were free from the camp. The only difference between Pam and me was that she had the ability to go after our maker. So that left me with Tara, who had only been a vampire for about five seconds longer than me. The two of us were extremely bitter in our abandonment, but we were happy to be together. I liked Tara; she had tried to do right by me while I was a human and she showed me the ropes of being a vampire. We had fun together. For the first time, we each had found someone who accepted us for who we truly were. We lived together in a shitty apartment, working whatever jobs we could find at night until I finally got the money from my father’s estate. No one outside of the camp knew I was a vampire, so it was an easy matter for me to pose as a human to claim my inheritance. When the lawyers requested meeting during the day, I told them I was busy with school and couldn’t meet earlier than dinner time. If they were suspicious, they never said anything and once we met face to face, it was a simple matter to glamour them to forget my new and improved status. Now with money, Tara and I could do whatever we wanted, when we wanted. It was incredibly freeing, kind of like when an eighteen year old goes away to college and experiences the first taste of freedom away from their parents’ watchful eyes. Tara and I were sisters in the sorority of vampirism. Life was perfect!

But Daddy Dearest’s legacy decided to rear its ugly head. Some of the Hepatitis V had made its way out of the camp into circulation. The first reported cases of Hep V were in Hawaii. Many of us thought it wouldn’t be that big a deal; the disease was contained to islands in the Pacific Ocean. There was no way it would reach the mainland we all foolishly thought. We were partly right in that the contaminated bottles of blood were immediately quarantined. What the authorities failed to take into account was that the disease could be spread by humans that had been bitten by an infected vampire. It suddenly became a worldwide epidemic since Hawaii’s main attraction was tourism. China, Japan, and the United States were the countries hit hardest in the beginning, but the disease knew no borders. Within six months, no country was safe from the deadly virus. And what made matters worse was that the disease had mutated so it no longer killed quickly. Vampires could last weeks, months even with the disease. In some cases it took weeks to manifest, so a vampire could unknowingly be infected and therefore infect the humans they drank from.

It was because of this that Bill Compton, the vampire I viewed as both a savior and as the murderer of my father, brought forth the idea of a pairing party. Uninfected humans would partner with healthy vampires in a symbiotic relationship; humans would receive protection from the vampire and the vampire would receive a safe supply of blood. Win, win for all parties involved right? Wrong! The night of the party, we were all attacked by a rogue group of infected vampires. In the attack I lost the only friend and ally I had in the world. Tara was staked trying to protect her human mother, the woman who had emotionally and physically abused her for years as a human and then turned her back on her once she became a vampire. Though Lettie Mae had approached Tara asking to mend their fences so to speak. I don’t know if God exists, but I pray that Tara did not suffer and that she has finally found the peace that seemed to elude her on this earth.

Once again I am alone in the world. I’ve made a few acquaintances since becoming a vampire, mostly the people who Tara knew from her days as a human. Most of them are bigoted assholes that think they are better than me because their heart still beats. Being a vampire doesn’t automatically mean I am evil. I have killed, but it was in self-defense. I struggle with the guilt of knowing I took a human life. But was I supposed to let him rape me then end me? One can only turn the other cheek so far before you end up back in the place where you started. And there are humans in this town that I know have done far worse than me! But that’s okay because they can walk in sunlight and I can’t.

I am struggling to find my way in this world without Tara by my side. She was my friend, my teacher; she was the only ally I had in this world that knew exactly what I was going through. She knew what it felt like to be abandoned by your maker. She hated Pam, yet still yearned for her. I feel the same way about Eric. I am so mad at him yet if he showed up here, I would probably throw myself in his arms and cry tears of joy.

I hate being alone.

***

It’s been a few days since the night of the pairing party. I made sure Tara’s mother and her husband made it home safely. Reverend Daniels was kind enough to feed me that evening and let me stay in the basement of the church because I didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment. I appreciated his kindness more than I could ever say. And I would have been happy to stay there watching over them if it hadn’t been for Lettie Mae’s insistence that she needed vampire blood to be with Tara again. Never before had I seen the effects of vampire blood, and I have to say that was bat shit crazy!

So now I’m alone again, with no one to talk to. I’m forced to rely on the paid donor service for blood. It’s safe and reliable, but it’s extremely expensive and it’s getting harder and harder to find donors willing to come out after dark.

Fortunately, Michael is still willing to meet me. He’s a young guy trying to put himself through college. He was actually the first donor I ever fed from the night I rose a vampire thanks to Eric paying for a donor to meet us at the site of my rebirth if you will. When I started paying for blood, Michael was the donor that showed up and he’s been my usual donor when I need blood. He is a nice guy that tries to get to know me better, but I am only interested in his blood and occasionally his dick. I know it sounds callous, but we are at completely different junctures in our lives. I can’t really relate to his worries about exams, paying rent, or trying to find time for the gym. My concerns are making sure I don’t contract Hep V and staying out of sunlight. I don’t see much middle ground for us.

It’s while I am feeding from Michael that I feel that tugging sensation again.

“You have got to be shitting me!” I roar in frustration once I pull my fangs from Michael’s neck. He looks worried; fear starts to creep over him making the smell of his blood more tantalizing. I moan hungrily before sinking my fangs in his neck again, rubbing his erection through his jeans as my arousal builds. My hand is reaching for the button on his jeans when the tugging sensation becomes sharper and I pull away from my meal, cursing like a sailor.

“Is something wrong?”

I don’t answer him. Instead, I throw money towards him as I vamp off. The tugging sensation comes from Bon Temps and I find myself racing through the night. My anger builds as I ponder Michael’s question.

Yes, something is wrong.

My asshole maker has decided to return!

***

Six months.

Six fucking months without a word. Not once had he ever called or wrote to see how I was doing. I couldn’t even tell where the hell he was anymore because the distance between us was so great; all I knew was that he still existed. When I had checked with Tara she said all she could sense was that Pam was still among the undead. Like father, like daughter I suppose; both of them were selfish assholes that didn’t give two shits about the vampires they had thoughtlessly made. And when he finally does return, his first action isn’t to find his progeny.

It’s to go to the fucking fairy that spurned his affections.

I first met Sookie Stackhouse the morning when Tara and I were orphaned.  She seemed a bit standoffish in my opinion.  Tara seemed ecstatic to see her as did her brother, but I didn’t have an opinion one way or the other.  As time passed, I learned of Sookie’s relationship with my maker as well as Jessica’s maker.  Tara told me of Sookie’s history with both vampires; I legitimately felt bad for her when I learned of her history with Bill.  However, hearing her history with my maker made me irrationally jealous.  What was so special about her that he chose her and not me?  Sookie wasn’t that attractive in my opinion, though she did smell better than the average human (if you could overlook the wet dog smell that permeated her clothes and home).   And she seemed nice, but she kept to herself a lot.  I knew she was a telepath and a part fairy (whatever that means), but I honestly couldn’t see what the big fucking deal was about.

My maker’s call leads me to the Compton home, right across the cemetery from Sookie.  My second least favorite vampire is waiting outside of the stately home.  Pam leans nonchalantly against one of the pillars, inspecting her manicure.  The anger I already feel ratchets up when she looks at me dismissively.  “Where is he?”

“Where do you think?  He’s inside with Sookie,” she says with a wrinkle of her nose as if she finds something offensive in the air.  I hiss in anger.  He really did it; he put the fucking human before his own progeny.

So to find Eric with his arms wrapped around Sookie when I stormed into Bill’s office was the final nail in the coffin.  He took my life and made me a vampire, yet he abandoned me as soon as we were free from the dirt.  Even in Vamp Camp he only thought of me when it was to help him take care of Pam or Nora.  And I’m sure he only called me to his side tonight because he needs something from me.  I am an afterthought.

Well fuck him!

I’ll show him I deserve more than a cursory glance.

I am his progeny . . . the monster he created.

It’s time I showed my maker exactly what kind of monster I am.

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